yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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