I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize