I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
