I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
