the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
