The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
