I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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