why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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