so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize