does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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