the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
