Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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