I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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