miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
