Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
