there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
