I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
