he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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