Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize