Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
