Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
