The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
