this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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