woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
