In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
