A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
