U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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