Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
