The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
