remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
