I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
