Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
