Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
