If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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