Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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