The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize