Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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