Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
