I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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