I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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