Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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