remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
