I'm lost and stupid without you.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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