Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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