If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
