I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
