i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
