Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize