He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
