Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
