You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
