dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
