38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
