All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
