he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
