He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
