he wants to bone in the snuggie
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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