Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
