dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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