i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
