the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
