somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
