Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
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