if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
