I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
