We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Four minutes until I can fart!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
