It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
