yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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